Confessions of the original shopaholic

Does anyone know where I can get a lawyer? I’m overdrawn this month so I can’t really afford to pay them, but I feel the need to sue someone. It all started with an innocent looking brown paper parcel on my doorstep…

My friend KG and I share a birthday (well almost, we’re a couple of days apart), but she is three years older than me and infinitely wiser in many ways (and most definitely dottier but let’s not go there right now). People always mistake us for each other because apparently we look similar, though neither of us can see it. About a month after my birthday, a parcel arrived on my doorstep bearing her inimitable scrawl and I knew, given that KG time runs about 30 days behind the rest of the world, that this must be my birthday present.

Inside, there were three parcels, immaculately wrapped in lavender coloured paper with little peacocks on it. A beautiful set of orante pink beads lay in one, and a matching set of earrings in the other. So far, so good, I thought. Little did I know it, but the third parcel contained something that would shock me to my core.

This little candy coloured paperback was just adorable. Given that I sometimes love chick flicks more than life itself, it follows that formulaic chick lit would press my buttons, and Sophie Kinsella’s book was sure to fit the unimaginative bill. After all, the tag line reads, ‘when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping’ - how could I not love it?! I tore into it immediately. KG knows me so well. A little too well in fact…

Rebecca Bloomwood grew up in Kingston Upon Thames, and went to Bristol University. She had visions of writing for Vogue and Marie Claire but somehow ended up as a financial journalist and still can’t work out what happened. She carries the FT in the hope that people will think she’s read it but inside, she hides copies of Glamour. She is overdrawn but can’t stop buying clothes. She’s pretty deluded actually. Oh shit…

While I’m very flattered that the beautiful Isla Fisher will be playing me in the upcoming film version of this story, I’m also horrified. If Ms Kinsella thinks I’m going to take this lying down she is mistaken. I’m going to go Ally McBeal on her ass. Happy fricking birthday to me!

This week Gina has been mostly…getting her finances in order. Why are they called spreadsheets when the money doesn’t spread very far at all? Also, I don’t think purchases made in Primark should count. I spent £43.58 there but for that money I managed to get two pairs of shoes, four tops and a matching pants and bra - now that’s strategic investment!